Nice Guys Finish Eventually

It has been a while since I posted. Class has been eating up my time, along with work. I haven't even been able to write on my own private stuff or read books that are not for class. But I am taking this time to make a point to those "nice guys" everywhere.

I have a problem with keeping and maintaining guy friends. Usually the only guy friends I can have are in relationships already. This puts a lovely boundary between us that makes it clear, up front, we are just friends, and that's as far as we will ever need to go.

I do tend to get a few guy friends who are single. They are great guys and I love talking to them. Then suddenly they start acting strange around me, or they put up cryptic Facebook statuses about wanting to go further with their girl friends.* I usually confront them about it, and then they admit to having a "crush" on me. The problem is I am past the romantic ideas and consider them simply a friend. I try to tell them, if they can handle it, we can still be friends. This never works out, and they usually fade into oblivion. Consequently I go through my fair share of guy friends.

This is a problem the "nice guy" complains about. How he can never get a girlfriend. How girls are always going after the "bad guy" when the "nice guy" is standing right there, holding her hand through the drama. What the "nice guy" doesn't realize is he brings it upon himself.

When girls first meet a guy, the reflex is to size him up and picture him and her together. The longer they are acquainted with the guy, the more or less the visions occur. The amount of daydreaming depends completely on the guy.

There is a fine, fine line between "friend" and "romance." Most nice guys are timid about getting into the romance. They start off too nice for too long. Girls will flirt a little with a guy, and if he responds in a more platonic than romantic way, the visions will abate slightly. The longer a guy acts platonic around a girl, the more she will consider him a boy friend as opposed to a boyfriend.** Once a guy moves into the "friend zone," it can be counted, in most cases, as a lost cause. You are now the friend and you will probably stay the friend.

This has been my problem with my guy friends who have faded from my life. They acted too nice and they were filed under the friend category in my mind. Now, there were small signs with these guy friends that they would potentially want to take the friendship further. But once the dude gets into the "friend zone," a girl tends to bury the little hints of romance in her unconscious, only to be examined once the friendship is exposed as a ruse for bigger relationship dreams.

There are two ways for the "nice guy" to push past the stereotype and become the boyfriend. At the very beginning, the meeting of boy and girl, the "nice guy" needs to be slightly more aggressive. This is also a fine line, since you don't want to make it seem like you just want to get into her pants. A good way to show interest is by light flirting, including small touches. A brief hand on the arm, leg, or back. Moving a strand of hair out of her face. Even leaning against her slightly when standing or pressing your leg to hers while sitting. It can't be overt and your speech should still be how you normally would talk. However if she insinuates a further interest with speech, you should insinuate one back.

A counter arguement to the aggressive first meeting scenario that a "nice guy" uses is that, at first, he isn't entirely sure he's that interested. This is completely understandable as the girl feels the same way upon the first meeting. However it is better to show some early interest even if you aren't sure. If you want the relationship, keep it up. If you want to just be her friend, then back off on the flirting and move yourself into the friend zone (something all nice guys are naturally good at, so no reason to wonder how you can get there). If you find out you can't stand her, phase out the contact.

The second way is for those who did not follow Way Number One and are stuck in the "friend zone." Way Number Two is more unfortunate a situation for a guy to be found in, for it is tedious and he must have great patience. There is a one-way street out of the "friend zone," and let me tell you, it is a bitch of a road since girls are essentially selfish, spotlight hungry beings. A guy basically has to be the best guy friend that ever was, and cannot put pressure on her for "more." He has to be impartial to her relationships, give great advice, hold her when she and the "bad guy" go through tough times, listen, care, and support. You have to ride through for x amount of time, and the friend veil will soon begin to lift and she will start to see the boyfriend as opposed to the boy friend. While this way is trying, it can dually be the best option, for it builds a strong foundation for a great romantic relationship.

I hope this unscientific rant made sense to everyone, and if you know a guy who is sick of being the "nice guy" stereotype stuck in the "friend zone," please feel free to send him the link to this post. It might make all the difference, for men and women alike.


*Note the space between "girl" and "friend" translates to a friend who happens to be of the female gender. If "girl" and "friend" are pushed together (i.e.: girlfriend), this translates to a girl you are exclusively dating.

**Perfect example of the above.